I am here

I know that this is just for me but I am here.  Not sure where that is but it is where I am.  Life is so up and down and down and up.  Today is the funeral for my neices good friends mother(32) who died at home with her husband and 3 children under 8.  So incredibly sad for this family and so anxious for my own.  What if something happens to me how will they cope.  I am so afraid of dying that it keeps me up at night.  2 years ago my husband lost his mother she had a cold and then died in her sleep, my boss lost her exhusband(her 3 boys lost their father) he died in his sleep and then this one hit close to home.  I am afraid of not being here for my kids and my husband(even though he drives me nuts and I am not sure what our future holds) I am scared of being gone. 
So today I am here and I am praying for the B.unch family now just Dad and three girls as they say goodbye to their mom.